A-Rod, Lance, etc. Where’s Mom’s Performance Enhancing Drug?


Thank goodness for coffee, chocolate, and the occasional Tylenol PM

So another professional athlete is punished (not too harshly, mind you) for the use of performance enhancing drugs. One side of the reaction seems to be that a cheater is disgraced, and another seems to be that we, the fans, demand unrealistic performances from our gladiators, er, athletes.

It sorta sucks all the fun out of sport to think that these aren’t naturally gifted athletes who have worked hard to hone their talent, but instead are pharmaceutically enhanced humans who are more concerned with perfecting a method of not getting caught. Doping seems to be the antithesis of true sport. On the other side of the coin, the pressure of unrealistic expectations gets my sympathy.

Maybe it comes naturally to other people, but it’s often a daily struggle for me to accomplish the mundane items on the to-do list, let alone the big, thoughtful ones. From the first alarm in the morning to the round-up and herd off to bed in the evening, it’s an all-day race with no fans in the stands or lining the trail to offer encouragement. The daily tasks sound simple enough, but a setback like a sports bag left in Dad’s car can throw the whole day into chaos.

Lacking access to anything stronger than whatever is in stock at Publix, I turn to coffee in the morning and chocolate in the afternoon. I have also come to favor recipes that call for wine, and my tendency for thrift means no open bottle goes to waste. (Aside: I wonder which is more helpful, a morning concoction to power through work and errands or an evening sedative to dull the mind-numbing effects of folding laundry? Isn’t that cycle what happened to Elvis?)

Until medical science turns its attention to helping regular old moms get to peak performance, I know I am going to be relying on the old fashioned OTC mommy’s little helpers as school gets started again. It’s a fine thing to pack lunches and check backpacks the night before, but the coffee pot had better be set and ready to drip.